Last week, I wrote about what happens when hidden patterns collide.
- The People Pleaser working with the Overthinker.
- The Imposter working with the Avoider.
And how team problems are often created not by one difficult person, but by the interaction between the patterns people bring into the room.
The article ended with an observation:
Most of us can spot hidden patterns in other people far more easily than we can spot them in ourselves.
And that is so true.
Many years ago, I worked in sales. On paper, everything was going brilliantly well: I was consistently hitting my targets, earning amazing money and building a successful career.
In fact, if you’d looked at the results, there was very little evidence to suggest I lacked confidence at all.
Yet despite all of that, I carried around a persistent feeling that somebody was eventually going to discover I’d somehow fooled everyone.
- That anybody could have achieved what I had achieved.
- That one day somebody would realise I wasn’t nearly as capable as they thought.
- I was just one failed target away from proving everyone right and confirming what I secretly suspected all along: my success was a fluke.
Today, I’d label that Imposter Syndrome, but interestingly, that wasn’t the only pattern operating. Looking back, I can see there was something else going on too.
I was also working incredibly hard to be helpful, supportive, and the person who never let anybody down.
Had I completed my Hidden Patterns Quiz back then, it would almost certainly have identified another pattern too: People Pleasing.
The interesting thing is that if somebody had suggested I was both an Imposter and a People Pleaser, I would almost certainly have disagreed.
I wasn’t an imposter – I was being realistic, careful and humble.
And I wasn’t People Pleasing – I was kind, thoughtful and supportive.
That was my reality.
The Problem With Hidden Patterns
One of the reasons hidden patterns can remain hidden for years is because they rarely feel like patterns, they feel like common sense. They feel justified. They feel like the sensible thing to do.
- The People Pleaser doesn’t think: “I’m People Pleasing.”
They think: “I’m helping.”
- The Imposter doesn’t think: “I’m caught in a pattern.”
They think: “I’m being realistic.”
- The Overthinker doesn’t think: “I’m overthinking.”
They think: “I’m being careful.”
- The Avoider doesn’t think: “I’m delaying things deliberately.”
They think: “I’m waiting for the right time.”
Which means we experience our own behaviour very differently from the way other people experience it.
We understand our intentions, but other people see our actions.
We know the reasons, while other people notice the consequences.
And that’s why hidden patterns are often much easier to spot from the outside than from the inside.
The Fish Doesn’t Notice The Water
Imagine asking a fish to describe water. It’s a ridiculous question because water is all the fish has ever known. It’s everywhere, it’s constant and so familiar that the fish probably wouldn’t notice it at all.
In many ways, our own hidden patterns work like this. They are so familiar that we don’t see them. They stop feeling like behaviours and start feeling like part of who we are.
- “That’s just who I am.”
- “That’s just how I think.”
- “That’s just the way I work.”
And because something feels normal, we rarely stop to question it.
The Blind Spot We All Share
Think about:
- Somebody you know who always says yes.
- Or somebody who constantly talks themselves out of opportunities.
- Or somebody who overthinks every decision.
- Or somebody who never seems to make a decision.
You can probably see the pattern quite clearly, yet that same person may have no idea it’s there.
The uncomfortable truth is that the same thing is true for all of us: most people aren’t lacking self-awareness, they’re simply standing too close to the thing they’re trying to see.
It’s a bit like trying to read the label on a bottle while sitting inside it.
No matter how intelligent, capable or self-aware you are, there are some things that are simply easier for other people to see.
Which perhaps explains why feedback can sometimes feel surprising or why friends occasionally tell us things about ourselves that we’ve never noticed. And why many of us spend years repeating the same behaviours without ever questioning them.
Not because we’re choosing to ignore them, but because they make perfect sense to us.
Breakthrough Insight
Most hidden patterns don’t stay hidden because they’re difficult to spot, they stay hidden because they feel normal, sensible, justified and they feel like reality.
Which means we’re often far better at recognising the patterns operating in other people than the ones operating in ourselves.
What About Your Own Patterns?
As I’ve written this Hidden Patterns series, I’ve lost count of the number of people who’ve contacted me to tell me which patterns they can see in their colleagues, managers, partners, friends or teams.
My next question is usually: “What patterns might they be seeing in you?”
That’s often where things get interesting because recognising a hidden pattern isn’t really about understanding somebody else, it’s about becoming curious about yourself.
Ready To Explore Your Own Hidden Patterns?
If you’ve enjoyed this Hidden Patterns series, you might find my Hidden Patterns Quiz helpful.
It’s free, takes just a few minutes to complete and can help you uncover some of the hidden patterns influencing how you think, react and behave at work.
Recognising a pattern is often the first step.
The interesting thing is that recognising my own People Pleasing and Imposter patterns turned out not to be the breakthrough I thought it would be – it was only the beginning.
And that’s something I’ll explore in next week’s article.
You Might Also Find These Helpful
- Why Behaviour Is Rarely The Real Problem At Work
- Why People Pleasing Is Not About Being Nice
- Imposter Syndrome at Work: Why You Feel Like a Fraud (Even When You’re Doing Well)
Want More Breakthrough Insights Like This?
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