Many people believe that if they work hard, do a good job and are reliable, they will eventually be promoted.
So when promotion doesn’t happen, they often assume it’s due to one of three things: the organisation is unfair, their manager doesn’t like them, or someone else was just luckier.
But the reality is usually far more nuanced than this, and often has more to do with your own behaviour and patterns than the organisation, other people’s opinions, or luck.
I learnt this the hard way.
I did really well in my first two ‘proper’ jobs. I was promoted quickly, given more responsibility, trusted with bigger clients, and generally felt that my work was recognised and valued. I worked hard, delivered what I said I would deliver, and things seemed to progress naturally. So I assumed that was how careers worked. Work hard, do a good job, be reliable, and you will progress.
Then I moved into another role and, for the first time, I had a male boss who I just couldn’t seem to impress. No matter how hard I worked, how well I delivered, or how much effort I put in, I never quite seemed to meet his expectations. Meanwhile, colleagues around me were being promoted, given more opportunities, and progressing faster than I was.
I couldn’t understand it. I was working hard, I was capable, I was experienced and I was doing a good job. So why was I suddenly not progressing?
At the time, I would have told you that the problem was him. He was difficult, hard to please and demanding. Unfair, even. But looking back now, with the benefit of hindsight and many years of working with individuals and teams, I can see that the situation was much more complicated than that.
Because the thing that was holding me back wasn’t my ability. I was clearly able, otherwise I wouldn’t have done so well in my previous roles. What was holding me back was something I wasn’t even aware of at the time – a pattern that was shaping how I behaved around authority.
I had a pattern that said that to get what you want from men in authority, you should be agreeable, helpful, not challenging and not too direct. So that’s how I behaved. I worked hard, I didn’t push back, I didn’t challenge, I didn’t put myself forward strongly, and I assumed that my work would speak for itself.
But work doesn’t always work like that.
What I didn’t realise at the time was that my behaviour – shaped by that pattern – was influencing how I was seen. I probably looked capable but not particularly assertive. Reliable but not leadership material. Helpful but not someone who would challenge or take responsibility at a higher level. In trying to be easy to work with, I was probably making myself look less like someone who should be promoted.
And this is something I see all the time in organisations. Very capable people who are not progressing in their careers, not because they are not good enough, but because patterns are shaping how they behave – especially around authority, conflict, visibility, responsibility and decision making.
These patterns often develop long before we start our careers. They are shaped by school, family, early jobs, previous bosses and experiences where we were rewarded, criticised, ignored or praised. Over time, we develop unconscious rules about how to behave, especially around authority. Some people learn that it is safer to stay quiet. Some people learn that they must work twice as hard as everyone else. Some people learn not to challenge. Some people learn that being liked is more important than being respected. These patterns make sense when they develop, but later in our careers they can start to hold us back.
One of the hardest realisations for many people is that hard work and technical ability alone is not a promotion strategy.
Most organisations promote people because they believe that person can operate at the next level. And operating at the next level usually requires different behaviours, not just better technical ability. It might require speaking up more, making decisions, challenging ideas, influencing people, being visible, taking responsibility, or having difficult conversations.
So sometimes very capable people are overlooked for promotion not because they are not good enough, but because their behaviour does not yet signal that they are ready for the next level.
Breakthrough Insight
Many people are not held back from promotion by their ability. They are held back by patterns that shape how they behave – especially around authority, visibility and responsibility.
Once you change the pattern, you often change how people see you. And once that changes, opportunities often change too.
A question to reflect on
If you feel stuck in your career or overlooked for promotion, it might be worth asking yourself:
- Is it really my ability that is holding me back, or could it be a pattern shaping how I behave at work?
One way to tell the difference is to look at the type of feedback you receive.
If it is an ability issue, the feedback is usually quite clear. You might need more experience, more technical knowledge, more training, or simply more time in role. The gap is about skills, knowledge or experience, and the path to improvement is usually quite obvious.
But if it is a pattern, the feedback is often much more vague. Managers often struggle to explain exactly what the issue is. They might say things like you need to be more visible, speak up more in meetings, put yourself forward more, or be more confident. The feedback is less about what you can do, and more about how you behave and how people experience working with you.
In these situations, the issue is usually not capability. It is behaviour. And behaviour is often driven by unconscious patterns – especially patterns around authority, visibility, responsibility and conflict.
The good news is that once you can identify these patterns, it is possible to change them. This is a big part of what I teach in The Confidence Breakthrough – how to identify the unconscious patterns shaping your behaviour, and how to change them so you can communicate more confidently, be more assertive, handle difficult situations more calmly, and put yourself forward for the opportunities you want. So you are seen as the capable professional you already are, and recognised accordingly.
You might also find these helpful
If this article resonated with you, you might also find these helpful:
- Why People-Pleasing Is Not About Being Nice
- Why Confidence Is Not What You Think It Is
- Why Teams Keep Having The Same Problems
If this topic interests you
Much of my work focuses on helping people understand the patterns that shape how they think, react and behave at work – and more importantly, how to change them.
If this article resonated with you, you can explore The Confidence Breakthrough programme, where I teach the tools and methods to help you change these patterns so confidence, communication and leadership become much easier and more natural.