Last week, something surprising happened: my walk-obsessed dog refused to go for a walk.
Cookie, my chocolate Labrador, usually sprints to the door the second I touch her lead, tail wagging like a metronome on overdrive. But this time? Nope. She flopped to the floor and gave me the saddest look—as if I were dragging her to the dreaded vets (I wasn’t).
At first, I was baffled. I tried coaxing, bribing with treats, even attempted to pick her up. At 28kg, this isn’t something one contemplates lightly, so lifting her wasn’t a realistic long-term strategy. But nothing worked.
And then it hit me—Princess Cookie didn’t want to go because it was raining. No amount of external motivation could override her internal “nope.”
And it got me thinking—how often do leaders try to get others to act before they’re ready? Whether it’s embracing change, taking initiative, or stepping outside a comfort zone, the truth is: motivation can’t be forced. Even with doughnuts.
Stop Forcing. Start Inviting.
As leaders, we often believe that if we just explain things clearly enough—lay out the benefits, make a compelling case—people will naturally take action.
But here’s the truth: no matter how logical your argument, people don’t move until something clicks inside them.
Think of a time you resisted something—maybe a fitness routine or a tough conversation. You likely heard advice from others, but until you were ready, nothing shifted. It’s the same for your team.
Curious Leaders Get Results
If someone on your team is stuck, don’t push harder—get curious.
Ask:
- “What’s making this difficult for you?”
- “What needs to be true for you to move forward?”
- “What might happen if this stays as it is?”
These questions aren’t traps—they’re invitations. You’re opening a door. When people walk through it willingly, that’s when real motivation kicks in.
Stay Calm, Lead Better
It’s tempting to get frustrated when someone won’t “just do the thing.” But frustration clouds empathy—and empathy is your leadership superpower.
If you’re spiralling, breathe. This might be their version of lying on the floor in a rainstorm. They’re not being difficult for fun—they’re just not ready yet.
Meet them there.
Find the Spark That Moves Them
The turning point with Cookie? I cracked the door open and a squirrel darted across the front garden. Suddenly, the rain didn’t matter.
People need that spark too. Ask:
- “If you tackled this, what might it free you up to do?”
- “How does this tie into something that really matters to you?”
When someone connects action to a deeper value or personal goal, the resistance often melts away.
When Their Struggles Trigger Yours
Here’s a twist: when someone’s resistance really gets under your skin, it might be hitting a nerve.
Ask yourself:
- “Why is this bothering me so much?”
- “Is this behaviour familiar?”
- “Am I reacting to them—or to something in me?”
Often, our strongest reactions to others are mirrors of our own habits. The growth opportunity isn’t just for them—it’s for us too.
The Bottom Line
People aren’t machines. You can’t just press the right buttons and expect results. True motivation comes from within.
Your job as a leader? Create the space for reflection. Ask the right questions. Stay calm. Lead with curiosity.
So, next time someone resists, pause. Don’t push. Invite. Support them in discovering their own reasons to act.
👋 Over to you:
Have you ever faced resistance that taught you something deeper—about others or yourself? How do you support self-motivation in your team?
Acknowledgment: This blog post was written by me: Jo Blakeley. While I used AI assistance (Chat GPT) for refining grammar and presentation, all ideas, insights, and content are my own.