Have you ever found yourself in a disagreement at work, only to suddenly forget how words work, and then replay the entire conversation in full technicolour and stereo sound while trying to fall asleep? If so, you might have accidentally stumbled upon conflict styles.
Few people enjoy conflict, it’s messy, uncomfortable, and emotionally draining. (Unless you happen to be that one person in the office who thrives on ‘debate.’) What often starts off as a disagreement between two people can quickly become tension for the whole team. The real issue? Most people’s default reaction is to brush it under the carpet, hoping it will – somehow, miraculously – go away. But you know it doesn’t. It just goes underground, where it festers and eventually turns into resentment, misunderstanding, or wildly passive-aggressive email sign-offs.
Psychology 101: The 5 Conflict Styles
We all have a default style when conflict hits:
- Avoiders go quiet
- Accommodators say yes, and regret it immediately
- Competitors raise their voice (and their eyebrows)
- Compromisers rush to say, “Let’s just move on”
- Collaborators (rare unicorns) slow down and say, “Let’s unpack this”
Which one are you?
You don’t need to change your personality, but you do need to notice how you show up when things get tense.
Here’s What You Can Try Instead:
- Pause before reacting
- Name what you need: “I want to get this right, not win.”
- Ask curious questions, even when you disagree
- Use the magic phrase: “Can we take a step back and figure out what we’re actually trying to solve here?”
You don’t have to become a conflict Jedi overnight. You just need to stay in the room long enough to find clarity.