Before you panic—this isn’t that kind of article. But I do want to talk about how much we reveal about ourselves every day without even realising it.
Our words, our reactions, even the way we stand in a queue—all of it gives away what’s going on beneath the surface. And if we paid more attention, we could learn a lot—not just about others but about ourselves.
A little incident at a train station reminded me of this.
The Train Station Showdown
I was in a café queue, debating whether to grab a bottle of water or risk dehydration on a two-hour train ride to London. In front of me were two men:
- One was in jeans and a T-shirt, hands covered in paint splashes. Let’s call him Handyman.
- The other was in a crisp suit, looking every bit the professional. Let’s call him Suit.
Handyman was getting visibly twitchy, eyes darting between the queue and the train outside. He turned to me and said, “That’s my train.”
I nodded. “Mine too.”
He smiled, then interrupted the café worker, asking to pay for his newspaper quickly so he could make the train.
Suit, still being served, casually said, “That’s my train too.”
Cue absolute meltdown.
Handyman exploded. I won’t repeat his exact words (this is LinkedIn, after all), but let’s just say they involved an impressive variety of expletives, including the classic F-bomb trilogy. He raged about how “people in suits think they’re better than everyone else.”
Suit, rather than de-escalating, fired back with his own barrage of profanities. The tension was so thick you could have spread it on toast. I genuinely wondered if one of them would end up in hospital.
Luckily, the train’s departure was more pressing than an actual brawl, and Handyman stormed off just in time. Suit, visibly shaken, hurried in the opposite direction, and I—water in hand—made it onto the train just before the doors closed.
What Just Happened?
As I sat down, I started analysing what I’d witnessed. This wasn’t just two strangers losing their tempers—it was a masterclass in unconscious beliefs and insecurities playing out in real time.
Handyman told us something about himself in that moment: He believed that people in suits look down on him. He believed that Suit thought he was less than.
But here’s the key: Suit never actually said that.
Handyman’s reaction wasn’t to Suit’s words—it was to his own perception of what Suit represented. That deep-seated belief was running the show, and the moment it was triggered, the gloves came off.
Why This Matters for Leaders and L&D Professionals
This kind of thing happens everywhere—in teams, in meetings, in performance reviews. People react emotionally to situations based on their own stories rather than the actual reality. And if we don’t learn to recognise it, misunderstandings spiral into full-blown conflicts.
So how can we use this insight in the workplace?
- Listen beyond the words. When someone reacts strongly, ask yourself: What belief might be driving this?
- Get curious, not defensive. If an employee is frustrated, don’t just hear their anger—hear what’s underneath it.
- Challenge limiting beliefs. Like Handyman, many people carry assumptions that hold them back. Great leaders help their teams recognise and reframe them.
- Model emotional intelligence. Suit’s reaction escalated the situation. If he’d stayed calm, the outcome could have been different. Leaders set the tone.
- Encourage self-awareness. When people understand their own triggers, they’re less likely to let them run the show.
The Bottom Line
Every interaction is an opportunity to learn—not just about others but about ourselves. The more we tune in, the better we can communicate, collaborate, and create healthier workplace cultures.
So next time you see an argument brewing, pause. Look beyond the words. And maybe—just maybe—you’ll help prevent the next train station showdown.
Now, if you’ve enjoyed this article, feel free to like, comment, and share. But don’t worry—I won’t take it personally if you don’t. 😉
Acknowledgment: This blog post was written by me: Jo Blakeley. While I used AI assistance (Co-Pilot) for refining grammar and presentation, all ideas, insights, and content are my own.