Do you find yourself comparing yourself to colleagues, friends or people on social media and feeling less confident as a result?
Comparison is one of the biggest hidden causes of low confidence at work, imposter syndrome and self-doubt. And most of us don’t even realise it’s happening.
I know this because I used to live inside it.
When comparison steals your confidence
In my twenties, I was travelling through South America with a friend who, in my eyes, seemed to have everything I didn’t. She was naturally blonde, slim, pretty, full of energy and confidence. When I stood next to her, I felt like an overweight, awkward version of myself. I assumed people would want to talk to her, not me. I felt like… why bother even trying?
And the strange thing is, our life was extraordinary.
- We cycled down Death Road in Bolivia.
- We trekked through the Amazon jungle.
- We went snake hunting (to photograph them, not kill them).
- We climbed into the highest tin mine in the world.
- We danced with native Peruvians in traditional dress.
- We trekked to Machu Picchu.
- We white-water rafted in grade-4 rapids.
On paper, it was the trip of a lifetime, but inside my head, I was quietly tearing myself apart because I wasn’t comparing my life to my life. I was comparing myself to her.
And comparison is one of the biggest confidence killers there is.
What comparison really does to your brain
When you compare yourself to someone you believe is “better” than you, your brain doesn’t treat that as neutral information.
It treats it as a threat and you go into a subtle state of:
- self-doubt
- vigilance
- self-protection
- shrinking
This means you stop being fully present, you stop showing up as yourself and you hold back.
That’s exactly what happened to me in Bolivia and it’s exactly what happens at work.
How comparison affects confidence at work
Years later, when I first moved into Learning & Development, I did the same thing all over again: I compared myself to a colleague who had been doing the job for ten years. Ten. And somehow I expected myself – brand new, zero experience – to be just as confident and capable as she was.
It sounds ridiculous when you say it out loud… but inside, it felt real. So instead of learning, I judged myself, instead of growing, I doubted myself and instead of contributing confidently, I held back.
This is how comparison shows up at work:
- not speaking up in meetings
- over-preparing or over-working
- feeling like an imposter
- not going for promotions
- staying quiet even when you have good ideas
Not because you aren’t capable, but because you’re measuring yourself against the wrong ruler.
Why social media makes comparison worse
Now add social media into the mix. You’re not just comparing yourself to one person anymore, you’re comparing yourself to dozens of highlight reels.
- Someone just got promoted.
- Someone landed their dream job.
- Someone is engaged.
- Someone is on holiday.
- Someone has lost weight.
- Someone looks confident and successful.
But what you’re seeing is everyone else’s best moments, not their whole lives. For example, you don’t see:
- the 60-hour weeks behind the promotion
- the stress behind the success
- the family politics behind the engagement
- the exhaustion behind the fitness progress
You’re comparing your behind-the-scenes to everyone else’s edited front stage. No wonder your confidence takes a hit.
How to stop comparing yourself to others
The way out of comparison isn’t to try harder to be like other people, it’s to build real self-esteem – the kind that comes from knowing who you are. That means learning to measure yourself against:
- your own growth
- your own values
- your own progress
not someone else’s chapter 10 when you’re still on chapter 1.
When there’s something about yourself you’re unhappy with, ask:
- Can I change it?#
- If yes – take action.
- If no – practise acceptance.
For example, I was unhappy about my weight, so I changed how I ate and exercised. But I’m terrible with directions and I’ve learned to laugh about that. We don’t get to be good at everything.
And the moment you stop comparing yourself to others, your confidence starts to come back.
And yes… I still compare sometimes
I still notice when someone else is ahead of me, but now I use it as information, not self-punishment. It helps me see what I want – without tearing myself down in the process.
That’s what real confidence looks like.
And that’s exactly what The Confidence Breakthrough teaches: how to stop shrinking, start trusting yourself, and show up fully – at work and in life.