As an external consultant, I often get brought in to resolve workplace tension. And more often than not, leaders assume the issue is about communication, prioritisation, or process. But the truth is, it’s almost never about that.
Here’s a recent example.
The Surface Problem
A high-performing team, under pressure.
- Craig is new, full of energy and new ideas.
- Davide has been on the team for a decade. He’s just finished building a robust set of policies and procedures that he’s incredibly proud of.
Craig sees an opportunity to innovate. Davide wants help managing the existing workload.
Craig keeps pushing to “improve” things. Davide pushes back – hard. Each sees the other as obstructive and unreasonable.
Eventually, both approach their manager to complain. The manager is left feeling confused, frustrated, and unsure how to mediate.
The Hidden Problem
What’s actually happening here?
When I sat down with them individually, I noticed something familiar.
- Davide didn’t feel good enough, so every suggestion to improve his work felt like criticism.
- Craig didn’t feel heard, so every no felt like personal rejection.
Their inner narratives were shaping their outer behaviour. The result? A classic case of:
“It’s not what happened. It’s what it meant to them.”
What Leaders Often Miss
Managers are trained to fix external problems. But what really drives dysfunction is often unseen internal programming.
You can’t coach people into better collaboration without helping them recognise the lens through which they see the world – and themselves.
The Real Solution
I helped both individuals see the real issue, not the symptom:
- Davide’s need for validation.
- Craig’s need to feel heard.
Once this was understood, the tension dissolved. The workload was still there. The policies didn’t change. But the relationship transformed.
Why This Matters
If you’re dealing with unresolved conflict, repeated tension, or underperforming relationships – chances are it’s not about the work.
It’s about the wiring. And it can be reprogrammed.
If you lead a team and want real tools to reduce conflict and improve collaboration, let’s talk.
I can:
- Run a training course to help your team understand programming and how it shapes workplace behaviour.
- Teach you my unique coaching approach to uncover what’s really going on under the surface.
- Or work directly with individuals through one-to-one coaching to help shift deep-rooted patterns.