Have you ever found yourself totally baffled by how a colleague works?
You’re ready to roll, they’re still planning. You want clarity, they want creativity. You’re chasing results, they’re flagging risks. And suddenly, you’re wondering: Are we even on the same planet?
This weekend, my husband, son and I escaped to Burgh Island. Think: gorgeous views, cream teas, a dash of local history, and, of course, some classic family bickering.
- My husband was ready to hit the trail straight away.
- I needed to double-check the route, the tides, and our footwear.
- My son kept pointing out every possible hazard like a walking warning label.
By mid-morning, we were all caffeinated and mildly irritated. But you see, none of us were wrong. We just saw the world differently. And it struck me, this happens at work all the time.
What Looks Like Personality Clashes Might Just Be Thinking Styles
That colleague who overexplains? The manager who skips over details? The teammate who always plays devil’s advocate? They’re not necessarily difficult. They might just be wired differently.
In NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), there’s a tool called Meta Programs – unconscious mental filters that shape how we take in information, make decisions, and communicate. Once you understand them, things start making a whole lot more sense. Here are three that show up everywhere at work:
Big Picture vs. Detail-Oriented
- Big Picture thinkers want the ‘why,’ the goal, the outcome.
- Detail-Oriented people want the ‘how,’ the plan, the specifics.
Try this: If you’re a big-picture person, throw in a few concrete steps when you speak. If you’re detail-focused, connect your work to the broader vision. It’s not dumbing down, it’s bridging the gap.
Toward vs. Away From Motivation
- Toward people chase goals.
- Away From people avoid problems.
Try this: If someone keeps pointing out what could go wrong, they’re not trying to be negative, they’re preventing disaster. And if someone seems overly ambitious, they’re not reckless, they’re just wired to move forward. Together, you’re actually a great team.
Internal vs. External Reference
- Internal people trust their own judgment.
- External people look for feedback and validation.
Try this: If you’re waiting for praise that never comes, it might not be personal. Some people genuinely don’t need (or give) feedback unless asked. Speak up. Ask for what you need.
Frustrated? Try Getting Curious Instead
The next time a teammate interrupts, over-prepares, or questions everything you do. Pause. Ask yourself: “What might this person need in order to feel safe, clear, or confident?”
Chances are, it’s not about you. It’s about how they’re wired.
That Burgh Island hike reminded me: even in families who love each other, these differences can feel exhausting and enlightening. My husband’s pace, my prep, my son’s caution, none of it was wrong. It was just different ways of navigating the same world. And the same goes for work. So the next time someone drives you up the wall, try asking: “Could this just be a different way of thinking?” You might find the irritation fades, and collaboration gets a whole lot easier.