Ever felt completely shut down at work when you share an idea? That’s exactly what happened to Craig. He was new to the team, full of energy, and ready to add value. He spotted a way to improve something and spoke up. Again and again. But no one listened. And worse – he felt like they were actively blocking him.
The Other Side of the Story
Now here’s what Craig didn’t know: The person pushing back – Davide – had spent a year creating the very system Craig wanted to ‘improve.’ He was proud of it. He’d finally caught up on work. And he was exhausted. So to Davide, Craig’s idea didn’t sound helpful – it sounded like criticism.
What Happened Next
The more Craig spoke up, the more Davide pushed back.
- Craig felt shut down.
- Davide felt attacked.
- Both felt frustrated, anxious, and unsupported.
Eventually, both complained to their manager – not realising they were experiencing different realities of the same situation.
What Was Really Going On
Here’s the truth:
Craig wasn’t just frustrated about his idea. He was frustrated because he didn’t feel heard.
Davide wasn’t just defensive about the policy. He was defensive because he didn’t feel good enough.
When we don’t realise these old emotional habits are running the show, we keep repeating the same painful patterns.
What Changed?
I spoke to each of them. Not about the policies – but about what was underneath.
When Craig realised his trigger was about not feeling heard, and Davide realised his was about feeling criticised, they could see each other – not just react to each other.
One session each. Conflict resolved.
What This Means for You
You’re not ‘too sensitive.’ You’re not ‘overreacting.’ You’re just responding to your internal programming – and that programming can be changed. This is how you stop repeating the same arguments, the same stress cycles, and the same self-doubt.
If you’re tired of feeling unheard, dismissed, or anxious at work – ask your manager to book my confidence course. It’s designed to help you understand your patterns, how they play out at work, and what you can do to change them – so you can feel more in control, more respected, and more confident in your career.