Have you ever been so proud of something… only to be shot down in seconds?
Maybe it was a project you led, a presentation you nailed, or just doing something new that took guts. You felt good, until someone’s comment took the shine off. Maybe they didn’t mean harm, but still… something in you shifted. You started playing it safer. Reaching a little less. Protecting yourself from that feeling ever again.
I get it. It happened to me too.
I was 16. GCSE results day. Overconfident, hopeful, buzzing with nerves. I tore open the envelope: three A’s, three B’s, three C’s. I was thrilled. Then I showed my dad, someone I really looked up to. He looked down at the sheet and said:
“Make sure they’re all A’s next time.”
That sentence stayed with me. Not loudly, but quietly. The kind of quiet that changes how you see yourself without even noticing. And in my case, it planted a belief: Avoid failure at all costs.
From then on, I only put myself forward for things I was 99% sure I could nail. Risk? Uncertainty? Public failure? Nope. I told myself I was being smart and strategic, but really, I was just stuck in my comfort zone, decorating it like home.
The Moment It Shifted
Years later, I came across this quote by Nelson Mandela:
“I never lose. I either win or learn.”
At first, I didn’t get it. But then I discovered reframing – a mindset tool from NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming). It helps you change the meaning you give to events. Suddenly, that quote made perfect sense.
I even rewrote it slightly for myself:
“I never fail. I either win or learn.”
From that moment, failure stopped being scary. It became useful. Something I could learn from, grow through, and even be proud of.
What I Wish Someone Had Told Me (and Maybe You Need to Hear Too)
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Only you get to decide what success feels like.
That comment from my dad knocked me, but it only stuck because I handed him the definition of success. Reclaim yours. If you’re proud, that’s enough. -
Most people mean well, they just don’t say it well.
My dad believed I could get all A’s. He just expressed it as pressure, not praise. Some people love you, they just show it in clunky ways. -
Trying and failing is better than not trying at all.
Seriously. Growth doesn’t come from perfection, it comes from the attempt. -
Progress matters more than polish.
You don’t have to be flawless. You just have to keep showing up. -
The most successful people?
Not the smartest or slickest. The most resilient. The ones who try, fall, learn, and try again.
A Little Dare for You
What would you go for this week if you weren’t afraid to fail? A conversation? A bold idea? A role you’ve been holding back on?
Write it down.
Because every awkward first try, every cringe moment, and every imperfect effort is proof you’re not settling. You’re growing. And if anyone questions it, just tell them: It’s character building.