Have you ever been at work and felt unheard? You raise a concern… and get cut off with a quick solution. You try to explain something important… and the topic gets changed. You bring something up… and it’s dismissed or downplayed.
It’s frustrating. And after a while, it can start to feel personal, like maybe your voice doesn’t carry the weight it should. I know that feeling. And recently, I was reminded of it in the most unexpected way.
It happened at home. My 13-year-old son looked at me and said, quietly but clearly:
“You’re not listening to me.” And the truth was, he was right. Despite two decades of coaching experience (and teaching others how to coach), in that moment, I’d slipped into “fix-it” mode. I was offering solutions before he’d even finished explaining. He didn’t need advice. He needed to feel heard. That moment stuck with me, because it’s exactly what happens in so many workplaces.
Why You’re Not Being Heard (And Why It’s Not Your Fault)
Most managers don’t mean to ignore or override their team. But when things get busy or emotional, listening often falls apart.
They:
- Try to fix things too quickly
- Hear through their own filters
- Miss what’s really being said
- Or get defensive without realising it
It’s not always about bad intent. It’s about default behaviour under pressure. But that doesn’t mean you have to stay silent or accept being overlooked.
The Skill That Changes Everything: Assertive Communication
Assertiveness isn’t aggression. It’s not being the loudest in the room. It’s speaking with calm clarity and grounded confidence, so your voice lands. When you’re assertive, you:
- Express your point without apology
- Keep the tone respectful
- Protect your emotional energy
- And invite a more productive dialogue
Here’s How to Be Heard (Even When It Feels Hard)
- Be clear and specific from the start
Skip the waffle. Lead with what matters.
“I’d like to talk through the feedback we got today, it’s really been on my mind.”
- Gently name what’s happening
If the conversation derails or shuts down, don’t power through, re-direct with care.
“I notice we’ve moved away from what I was trying to raise. Could we come back to it?”
“I appreciate the advice, but what I really need first is to talk this through.”
- Use ‘I’ language to stay grounded
It helps you share honestly without sounding accusatory.
“I’m finding it hard to move forward without addressing how this felt.”
“I want to resolve this, but I need to know I’ve been understood.”
- Ask directly for what you need
Don’t leave it to chance, be specific.
“Could we take five minutes just to explore this before jumping to solutions?”
“Would it be okay if I finish explaining first, then we can look at next steps?”
And If You’re Still Not Being Heard? If this becomes a pattern:
- Keep a record of key conversations
- Seek support from HR or a trusted colleague
- Ask yourself: Is this a culture that truly values communication?
You deserve to work in a space where your voice is respected, not just heard, but listened to.
Final Thought
Being assertive doesn’t make you difficult. It makes you clear. It makes you resilient. It makes you a stronger communicator, not just for yourself, but for the culture you’re part of. You don’t have to shout to be heard. You just need to speak with intention, and trust that your voice matters. Because it does.