My first ‘proper’ job out of university was in Public Relations, and I thought confidence came from one thing: keeping going. So I said yes to everything, I stayed late until my boss left and I pushed through tiredness.
I even remember having two wisdom teeth out and, despite being in enormous pain and only able to eat what I could suck through a straw, I went straight back to work. I wanted to prove I was capable. Reliable. Worth keeping.
No one told me to slow down, and if they had, I’m not sure I would have listened anyway.
And then, just this week – despite everything I now know, and teach – I’ve realised I’ve fallen back into exactly the same trap.
The trap I didn’t see at first
It didn’t happen overnight. I wasn’t in crisis. Nothing dramatic was wrong. I was just… always tired, always thinking about work, and always planning the next post.
I kept telling myself I’d slow down once this bit was done, once things settled, once I’d got through the next deadline.
But pushing through had quietly become my default again, and do you know the scariest thing of all? Despite everything I know, and teach, I hadn’t really noticed. But my family had.
Why most of us don’t pause when we should
What I’ve realised is that most people don’t stop when something first feels off, they stop when they’re exhausted. Then, they normalise tiredness, they convince themselves it’s just a busy phase and they keep going because everyone else seems to be coping.
And often, it’s only when something forces the pause – burnout, illness, anxiety, or a fallout at home – that they stop at all.
While pausing earlier can feel uncomfortable – and even risky (especially if you’re early in your career and worried about how you’ll be seen) – but not pausing has a cost too. And it’s usually much higher.
What this reminded me about confidence
We’re often (mistakenly) taught that confidence means being able to cope, to handle pressure and be able to take on more without complaint. But that’s not the kind of confidence I believe in or help people build.
Real confidence at work isn’t about pushing yourself until you break, it’s about noticing when something isn’t sustainable and trusting yourself enough to respond. Sometimes confidence looks like pushing forward and sometimes it looks like stopping, taking stock, and choosing differently.
That’s not failure. That’s self-trust.
A question worth asking yourself
Instead of asking: Why am I struggling with this? Or Why does everyone else seem fine?
Try asking: What would actually support me at work right now?
Not what looks impressive. Not what you think you should be able to cope with. But what would genuinely help you work – and live – well.
If you’re reading this and something in you is nodding quietly, that’s worth listening to. You don’t have to wait until things fall apart to make a change.