When our son was young, my husband and I decided to do a bit of role playing. I mean role swapping. Due to circumstance and for practical reasons, we made a conscious decision to swap our ‘roles’ so my husband became the stay-at-home dad while I ramped up my career as the sole breadwinner. Years later, it got me thinking: as professionals, we’re all too familiar with the concept of juggling priorities—whether it’s managing employee performance, meeting targets, or finding balance in the workday. But what happens when you swap roles entirely? What lessons can it teach us about leadership?
A New Approach to ‘Chores’
In the workplace, tasks are often delegated to better align with strengths and passions. In our home, my husband’s skills in the kitchen and love for cooking naturally led him to take on the ‘cooking’ duties. This suited us both perfectly: I’m far from gifted in the kitchen and have zero desire to improve, while my husband was relieved to no longer endure my very poor attempts at cooking.
Of course, just as in the workplace, there are always tasks that no one particularly enjoys. My husband wasn’t thrilled about handling the cleaning, but it had to be done. Given that his definition of ‘clean’ didn’t quite align with my not-very-high-standards, I took the executive decision to outsource the cleaning—for the sake of marital harmony.
Lesson for Leaders: Just as in the workplace, aligning tasks with employees’ strengths can lead to greater happiness and productivity. However, there are some less desirable tasks that no one wants to do yet are unavoidable. As a manager, you must decide whether to insist that an employee handle an unpleasant task—even if it doesn’t align with their preferences—or reassign (or even outsource) it to someone better suited for the sake of overall team dynamics.
Career Growth (Or Career Guilt?)
I thrive in my role as an independent trainer; I get to do what I love, I feel energised and get a buzz from helping people fulfil their potential, and I meet interesting people and have adult conversations with—adults. But here’s the downside: I’ve had to balance my career with something that many career-focused women know well—mum guilt. (And before you call me out, I’ll add that many career-focused men experience dad guilt too.)
Lesson for Leaders: We need to recognise that even the most driven employees can experience guilt when it comes to personal commitments. When coaching employees for performance, it’s important to create an environment that supports not only professional development but personal well-being too. After all, when employees are emotionally invested, their performance soars.
- The Role of ‘Dad Guilt’ in Modern Work Culture
As a stay-at-home dad, my husband felt a strange sense of guilt. Why? Because he wasn’t the one ‘bringing home the bacon’[1]—and that’s a mindset still ingrained in many. (And before you shout at me, I will also add that many stay-at-home mum’s feel mum guilt too.) We’ve all encountered employees who wrestle with their role and their self-worth in the workplace, especially when their title or position doesn’t align with traditional expectations.
Lesson for Leaders: Role identity can be incredibly powerful. Whether it’s feeling ‘less than’ for not earning enough or being the ‘outlier’ in the office, it’s essential to address these biases. Everyone deserves to feel a sense of purpose and a clear sense of identity, whatever their role. Supporting employees in building self-belief and empowering them to take ownership—and responsibility—of their career paths is vital.
The Importance of Belonging and a Good Sense of Humour
Many years ago, my husband took our son to a playgroup at the local library. He was the only man there. While the other mums were welcoming and invited him to join them for coffee and cake afterwards, he felt—to put it mildly—awkward. Why? Because he didn’t fit the social mould and felt uncomfortable being different. Needless to say, he didn’t return.
Lesson for Leaders: Don’t underestimate the importance of your staff needing to feel that they belong. Whether it’s knowing they have shared goals, shared responsibilities, or simply feeling included, belonging is crucial. Encouraging open dialogue and laughter can break down barriers—whether you’re a dad navigating a playgroup or an employee navigating an office culture. Equally, it’s key for individuals who are different to embrace and celebrate their differences without embarrassment or shame.
The Struggle of Finding ‘Me-Time’ and Staying Energised
While I’m out delivering workshops, writing books, blogs, or designing online courses, my husband is at home cherishing his bond with our son. But the downside of role swapping? There’s no let-up. When I’m at work, it’s full-on with, well, work, but the moment I’ve finished, it’s full-on with spending time with our son. If our son is entertained by his PS5 or football, my husband wants to chat because he’s not had any adult conversation all day—when all I want to do is switch off and be quiet. It’s non-stop, and there’s no ‘off’ button.
Lesson for Leaders: Employees need time to recharge and focus on their personal well-being to be effective at work. No one can pour from an empty cup. When designing leadership programmes or development opportunities, consider incorporating strategies for work-life balance. Encourage your teams to take breaks, prioritise self-care, and recognise when they need to step back.
The Stigma of Non-Traditional Roles
It’s 2025, and we’re still not there yet. My husband experienced feelings of isolation being the only stay-at-home dad in our social circle. After all, what did he talk about when the other dads were discussing their busy days at work? Did they want to hear about my husband’s fun day hanging out with their wives? I doubt it! It’s not just about societal norms; it’s about having a sense of identity. Similarly, in the workplace, employees often feel the pressure of fitting into the typical role: ‘I’m a manager, so I need to act a certain way,’ or ‘I’m a team member, so I can’t lead that project.’
Lesson for Leaders: The same stigma exists in corporate cultures, whether it’s the ‘imposter syndrome’ that often holds employees back or the limited access to leadership opportunities for non-traditional candidates. As a manager, it’s important to foster inclusive environments where everyone can thrive without judgment. It’s about ensuring that individuals feel comfortable in their role and valued for their contributions.
Conclusion: Is Role Swapping Effective?
While we’ve learned that the gender roles we’ve traditionally assigned to working and parenting still hold significant weight, there’s a bright future ahead for role swapping and breaking norms.
My conclusion is this: Both men and women are equally capable of handling career and family roles. However, the challenge lies in society’s reluctance to truly embrace this. As leaders, we must do our part in creating cultures that support and empower individuals to take on both roles—without guilt, bias, or outdated expectations.
At the end of the day, the real takeaway is simple: When we support each other and take personal responsibility for our own sense of purpose and identity—regardless of gender, role, or title—we’re all better equipped to succeed, not just in business, but in life.
So, let’s stop questioning whether role swapping works and start asking: How can we create a work environment where everyone has the opportunity to thrive—at work and at home?
[1] The phrase “bringing home the bacon” is believed to have originated in the 12th century in England. The story goes that in the town of Dunmow, there was a tradition where a married man who could go a year and a day without quarrelling with his wife would be awarded a side of bacon. This prize was considered so significant that it became a symbol of a husband’s ability to support his family without conflict. Over time, the expression evolved to refer to earning money for the family, or in modern terms, being the main breadwinner.
Acknowledgment: This blog post was written by me: Jo Blakeley. While I used AI assistance (ChatGPT) for refining grammar and presentation, all ideas, insights, and content are my own.